Almighty

In this moment I’m feeling completely and absolutely almighty. Why? Because I have spent my whole life being scared about rejection. And in this moment, I have just been rejected, by a girl who didn’t even give me a chance, but that doesn’t matter, what is important is that I feel great. I don’t really care. And it, feels so great. 

Right now

When you ask a girl if she wants to be your girlfriend and you don’t have an idea about what is she going to answer. You, or at least me, feel a strange mix between emotion and fear. It is some kind of expectation, as if you have made a big bet. You could lose everything and go directly to the deepest hell, or win and be in a state of pure joy. And no, all this isn’t about a girl. But is the same feeling. I‘m feeling like that about my next short film project. I really love the screenplay, I love my characters, I love the art design and the photography style we are looking for. If everything goes according to the plan, I really, really, going to love my short film. Nevertheless, I’m so bloody scared, because the single little detail that, I don’t have the film location, a creepy old house. And if I don’t have it… well you could read the hell part again. So, this is my situation tight now, it’s a strange feeling, as joyful as horrible. But I would change it for nothing… I lie, I happily change it for a full joy feeling.

Apple Pie

When I was about seventeen, I started believing fear is the main enemy of freedom. Biologically fear is used for surviving, it keeps you away from danger. For instance, as a gazelle looks not just helpful but logical to be afraid of lions. Nevertheless, fear has been designed for surviving, not for living. "There's more to living than only surviving" says Starting at the Sun by The Offspring. Off course you could just grab an apple and eat it, or you could use it to made a pie. The pie sounds tasty, but there's a problem about it, you need to make it, and no, the problem isn't the work it involves, but the responsibility. Everything would be in your hands, it would be your responsibility, and no one's else. And if that pie finishes as a complete mess, it would be all your fault. And suddenly you are afraid about it. You don't want your pie finishes as a mess, and you know there's a chance it would happen, specially if you haven't ever made a pie before. So, you have two options, take the risk, or not. Your primal fear tells you don't make the pie, just eat the apple, it's safer. It doesn't mean that make the pie is psychically dangerous, but there's an emotional and psychological danger in it, you don't really understand it, but you now it exists.

Every day I try to remember myself to make pies, I must admit many times I finish eating the bloody apple. But as also says the Starting at the Sun; "maybe I'm not there, but I'm still trying".